Here is something I saw on a church door:
"Come in. Fairytales an Music inside."

And another joke even if it is the false saison. ^^

One particular Christmas season a long time ago, Santa was getting
ready for his annual trip ... but there were problems everywhere.

Four of his elves got sick, and the trainee elves did not produce the
toys as fast as the regular ones so Santa was beginning to feel the
pressure of being behind schedule.

Then Mrs. Claus told Santa that her mom was coming to visit. This
stressed Santa even more. When he went to harness the reindeer, he
found that three of them were about to give birth and two had jumped
the fence and were out, heaven knows where. More stress.

Then when he began to load the sleigh one of the boards cracked and
the toy bag fell to the ground and scattered the toys. So, frustrated,
Santa went into the house for a cup of coffee and a shot of whiskey.
When he went to the cupboard, he discovered that the elves had hid
the liquor and there was nothing to drink. In his frustration,
he accidentally dropped the coffee pot and it broke into hundreds of
little pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and
found that mice had eaten the straw it was made from. Just then the
doorbell rang and Santa cussed on his way to the door.

He opened the door and there was a little angel with a great big
Christmas tree. The angel said, very cheerfully, "Merry Christmas Santa.
Isn't it just a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Isn't it
just a lovely tree? Where would you like me to stick it?"

Thus began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas
tree.

FAR I NEARLY CRIED ><

Heres one

Spoiler:

MEDICARE COVERAGE IN A NUTSHELL The phone rings and the lady of the house answers, ‘Hello.’ ‘Mrs. Sanders, please.’ ‘Speaking.’ ‘Mrs. Sanders, this is Doctor Jones at Saint Agnes Laboratory. When your husband’s doctor sent his biopsy to the lab last week, a biopsy from another Mr. Sanders arrived as well. We are now uncertain which one belongs to your husband. Frankly, either way the results are not too good.’ ‘What do you mean?’ Mrs. Sanders asks nervously. ‘Well, one of the specimens tested positive for Alzheimer’s and the other one tested positive for HIV. We can’t tell which is which.’ ‘That’s dreadful! Can you do the test again?’ questioned Mrs. Sanders. ‘Normally we can, but Medicare will only pay for these expensive tests one time.’ ‘Well, what am I supposed to do now?’ ‘The folks at Medicare recommend that you drop your husband off somewhere in the middle of town. If he finds his way home, don’t sleep with him.’

Yeah that's funny untill your wife drops you in the middle of town. XD

In the hospital the relatives gathered in the waiting room, where
their family member lay gravely ill. Finally, the doctor came in
looking tired and somber. I'm afraid I'm the bearer of bad news,"
he said as he surveyed the worried faces. "The only hope left for
your loved one at this time is a brain transplant. It's an
experimental procedure, semi-risky and you will have to pay for
the brain yourselves."

The family members sat silent as they absorbed the news. After a
great length of time, someone asked, "Well, how much does a brain
cost?"

The doctor quickly responded, "$5,000 for a male brain, and $200
for a female brain." The moment turned awkward. Men in the room tried
not to smile, avoiding eye contact with the women, but some actually
smirked.

A man, unable to control his curiosity, blurted out the question
everyone wanted to ask, "Why is the male brain so much more?"

The doctor smiled at the childish innocence and so to the entire
group said,
"It's just standard pricing procedure. We have to mark down the
price of the female brains, because they've actually been used."

OH NOES! LAWL! Talking about brains we could use them for WORK! But is it really all they say it is?

Spoiler:

The Center for Disease Control has issued a medical alert about a highly contagious, potentially dangerous virus that is transmitted orally, by hand, and even electronically. This virus is called Weary Overload Recreational Killer (WORK). If you receive WORK from your boss, any of your colleagues, or anyone else via any means whatsoever - DO NOT TOUCH IT. This virus will wipeout your private life completely. If you should come into contact with WORK you should immediately leave the premises. Take two goodfriends to the nearest grocery store and purchase one or both of the antidotes- Work Isolating Neutralizer Extract (WINE) and Bothersome Employer Elimination Rebooter (BEER). Take the antidote repeatedly until WORK has been completely eliminated from your system. You should immediately forward this medical alert to five friends. If you do not have five friends, you have already been infected and WORK is controlling your life.

Irish Air Disaster - 29th Mai 2008

Ireland's worst air disaster occurred today when a small
two-seater Cessna plane crashed into a cemetery early this afternoon in
central Ireland.

Irish search and rescue workers have recovered 826 bodies
so far and expect that number to climb as digging continues into the
night...

Omg on the topic of planes, people should really bail out like this dude !

Spoiler:

Best part of being a guy!
=========================

Spoiler:

Phone Conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about tanks. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. You can go to the bathroom without a support group. You don't have to learn to spell a new last name. You can leave the motel bed unmade. You can kill your own food. Wedding plans take care of themselves. If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend. If you are 34 and single, nobody notices. Everything on your face stays its original color. You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passengers seat. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. Car mechanics tell you the truth. You can quietly watch a game with your buddy for hours without ever thinking: "He must be mad at me." Same work...more pay. Gray hair and wrinkles only add character. Wedding dress - $2,000. Tuxedo rental - 75 bucks. You can drop by to see a friend without having to bring a little gift. If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might become lifelong friends. Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with. "So, notice anything different?" You are not expected to know the names of more than five colors. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. You don't have to shave below your neck. One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons. You can "do" your nails with a pocketknife. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache. Christmas shopping can be accomplished for 25 relatives, on December 24th, in 45 minutes.

Some are jokes but some others are true. XD